23 April 2015

funny things you don't talk about...


my cat
my Clyde was thirteen
I went to the back door to shout him in at 8.45pm and heard this noise 
I looked down and he was spread out on the floor
I immediately phoned the vet who went to the surgery on a sunday night
she said it wasn't a car that it had been done to him
his tail had been snapped from his spine
the nerves in his back end were no longer working
there was a hair-line fracture in his pelvis
he could no longer urinate or crap
he had to have his urine expelled by hand
his crap had to be expelled by hand
he spent a week at the vets 
and nearly two weeks of me trying to care of him at home
I tried my best giving him loxicom and liquid paraffin 
his favourite foods
but it just wasn't good enough
I never got pet insurance he was never ill
he had years left in him

he started to deteriorate 
he lost all his muscles on his left side 
he was struggling to walk

I wanted him to die at home where he's lived for thirteen years
lying in front of the fire
on my dressing gown
the vet came to the house to put him to sleep
as she gave him the injection I held his head in my hands 
and with my mouth on his head I whispered 
"My Top Clyde My Top Cat My T.C. My Stinky Wee Man" he loved that
then he was gone
it was the 24th March 2015
the vet even sent me and my mum a condolence card
my Clyde was thirteen

I drove him round the valley to all his places
it was raining but as I put him in the ground it stopped
the clouds broke and the sun came out
I buried him in the garden and read a poem
"Do not stand at my grave and weep"

I was going to bury him in my dressing gown because he loved it
but it still smells of him so I couldn't do it
I found it really difficult to let him go
but I had to

he was a bit smarter than the usual cats
he learnt to open the kitchen window and let himself out at one
he kept everyone's house free of mice and other rodents
he didn't piss or crap in anyone's garden
he didn't chase birds 
I think that was me falling out of a tree twice trying to rescue him

everybody knew my cat
everybody knew he was my cat
the police have been helpful
they said the village has been unusually quiet since it happened
the usual big bore exhaust car that race around the village have not been there
they reported it to the SSPCA 
questioning out in the village
but until they can get something there's not much they can do

these are the last photos I took when he came home

I don't really care for people
he kept looking at me as if to ask why has this been done?
I keep seeing a cat shape out of the corner of my eye in the house
but when I look he's not there
he was my best friend
my Clyde was thirteen
I miss him so much